So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
