allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
MIDGETS
????
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
