smell my finger.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
