...so i touched it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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