the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
