I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
