Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
