mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
