3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
