No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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