you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
