This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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