I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
