Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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