Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
