sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
