My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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