I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
