I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Are we still banned from the library?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
