I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
