Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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