We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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