do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
