My room smells like vodka and shame
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
