I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
