is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am mentally ready for anal.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
