Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
