Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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