she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
