apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
