all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
