yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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