i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
