i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
that's an acceptable place to lick
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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