I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
