I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
