u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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