So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
