This house was built for laser tag.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
