you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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