Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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