That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
