I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
