My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The adults are the big ones right?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
