we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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