the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The best revenge is premature balding
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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