We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
