you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
