I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
