She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We had to coat check the pizza.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
