your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
