Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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