before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
