i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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