A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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