I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
