Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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