What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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