I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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