Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I want a musical about memes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
