we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
