Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
