hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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