Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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