Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
