just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
