I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize