Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
