They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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